Monday, March 10, 2008

Missing My Baby...

I got to thinking tonight, it has been a while since I have reflected on my time with and without Gabi. We have had so much change in our lives that I just cannot believe how quickly time has passed. It has been almost 7 months since my angel received her wings...WOW, has it really been that long??? I keep thinking about all the wonderful memories we made with her. You all know how much joy and complete happiness she brought into our lives. My heart still aches at the fact I will never see her smile again, I will never kiss her again, I will never touch her again, I will never hold her in my arms again...but for all the times I did get to do those things I am so very thankful. If I knew I could of only had her for 7 months I still would of taken that over never having her at all.

Since our move it has forced me to go through Gabi's things. That little girl had so many clothes, many outfits still have the tags attached. It's funny cause Jason tells me to stop buying Kinsley clothes, but I can't help it. Somedays I think oh Kins can wear lots of her sissy's clothes and others I want to pack up all of Gabi's clothes and never let anyone touch them. It is just one struggle of many. I want Kinsley to have many of Gabi's stuffed animals and books and hair bows, but most importantly I want Kinsley to know her big sister. Maybe by sharing things of Gabi's that were special it will help Jason and I teach her about Gabi. Not a day goes by that we don't miss our little Pink and Squishy, but we also have to be prepared for our future. We want to provide Kinsley with a life that we'd of given her even if Gabi was here.

Everyday as we get closer to her arrival I know I become more and more attached. My little sweet pea is gonna help me get through this next big hurdle. She will never replace my precious Gabi, but she will help me remember the wonderful times I had with her and I will share those memories with Kins.

Each day I hop onto this blog, all throughout the day, just to see how many hits we receive, where all of our viewers are coming from (I have a live traffic feed at the bottom of the page). It just amazes me day in and day out just how much support we still receive. I mean Gabi has come into so many of your lives so unexpectedly and she obviously made an impact on your hearts, because you are still interested in us! I am honored to be the mother of such an incredible little girl.


Carey said...

I can't believe it's been that long. It seems like just yesterday. But know that none of us have forgotten and we never will. You know it wasn't long after she passed that Chelsea was diagnosed, so we will never forget those weeks before when we were doing what we could to support you guys, and those weeks after when you both were our rocks. We can't thank you enough and know we're here if you need us...for ANYTHING! Thinking of baby Gabi tonight and all the sweetness she brought into our lives.

Megan said...

Not a single day goes by without me thinking about Gabi. She has touched so many lives. Even Abby and Maddy still talk about her almost everyday, and they never even had a chance to meet her in person. So yes, Gabi left a HUGE impact on this world. Kinsley will bring you joy. She is also a very special gift from God. Like you said, she will never replace Gabi. You and Jason are amazing people and yes you are proud to be Gabi's parents, but I think she would be proud to have parents like you!!
Love Ya

Anonymous said...

It's nice to see pictures I haven't seen before, what a sweet one! Love you! Laurie

Pam said...

We think about you and Gabi each and every day.

I remember coming to your blog and reading about Gabi, and how Rhett was always just so content to sit and stare at her pictures.

The only other person he does that with is Chelsea. For some reason these two girls have a special place in his heart.

And you both hold a special place in my heart. There are many times I come here to read, and leave wishing that I could hug you in person.

We love you guys.

Pam and Rhett

Shannon @ Gabi's World said...

Awww I miss her, too, and I never even got to meet her. I am so glad to have at least been priviledged enough to pray for her during those final weeks! I could only imagine how tough it must be for you all. You guys are so very strong. I know you probably don't feel like you are, but you have kept on going when you could've easily have just faded into a non-existance. Again, another beautiful picture of your beautiful Gabi!

Beth said...

That is an awesome picture! Thoughts and prayers are with as you miss Gabi and prepare for Kinsley's impending arrival!

Michelle said...

Hi, I was hopping around on blogs today, and found yours. Gabi is gorgeous, I'm sure you miss her so much. We lost one of our daughters - they were twins, both with DS - and I completely agree, if I could change things to have NOT had Lydia? I wouldn't. I'm so grateful I had her at all & we miss her every day.