Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Remembering Our Angel

It doesn't seem possible that is has been 2 years since Jason and I received the call that Gabi was not doing well and we needed to hurry to the hospital to be by her side. That day was the worst day of our lives, we couldn't get to the hospital fast enough. Our hearts and minds raced as we drove that horrid 15 minutes to get to her. Gabi had been doing better, or I should say she was maintaining. But I think she was just holding on for us. She needed to reassure us we could move forward with our lives. That is when we conceived Kinsley, definitely our life saver!

As we rushed into the hospital up the elevator for what seemed to take an eternity to go up 2 floors, the doors opened, we signed in, approached her room and we knew what was in store as soon as we saw her. Gabi had retained so much fluid she was so Pink and Squishy...she looked as if she would burst if she held onto any more fluids. It was the most awful feeling in the world, knowing there was nothing Jason or I could do to comfort her. We discussed our options with Dr. Teeves and proceeded with dialysis...we feared this because there was only a slim chance this would do the miracle we needed. As Dr. Teeves did her thing she felt a bit of relief it worked a little. So for the next 12 or so hours we watched and waited by her side. We called our family and our pastor for the most dreaded call of all. They needed to be there with Gabi what if this was it. Our family had been our biggest support while watching us and Gabi over the past 7 weeks in the hospital.

They all rushed in and we waited. We prayed, we cried, we told Gabi we knew how much she fought and it was ok to go into God's hands now. Those were words you NEVER want to tell your baby, but what choice did we have. She wasn't getting better, we truly felt she was suffering and that is absolutely not what we wanted for our baby. In the wee hours of Aug. 20th 2007, as I held my baby for the very last time, we said our final prayer and said our good bye's and Gabi returned to God and received her wings. How bittersweet that moment was. There is not a day that goes by I don't relive those final moments, it is not the way I want to remember my baby, but those are are final memories and how do you not remember that? Our Gabi changed our lives forever. We found the true meaning of life, we love harder, we give more and we are better people because of her. As much as I would change to fix her and bring her back to live with us much much longer, I know God had a bigger better life planned for her and that is where she belongs. It is taken me a long time to realize and agree that that is the truth and God really does know what he is doing. But given the situation how was I to think anywhere other than with her parents is better for her. I trust in God and what he does for us. And yes I said FOR US, 2 years ago I'd of said he did it to us not for us, but that is simply not true. He does things for us, we just have to learn from it and move forward.

Thank you God for bringing Gabi into our lives! I wouldn't change a thing, she defined life for us and that we will forever be thankful for. Please keep her safe and we do look forward someday to being with her again! And thank you for Kinsley she has given us the strength to continue to keep going forward with life. And thank you for Gracie, she is such a strong little girl. She has been through so much, but we continue to see her blossom into such an amazing young lady. We are truly blessed and we owe it all to you!

With that being said, I declared August 20th as NATIONAL PIGGIE TAIL DAY!!! Please show your support and wear piggies in honor of our precious angel Gabi. Most little girls love piggies, so it isn't that hard. The only thing I ask, please take a picture and send it to me. It is such a great way to help us get through the day! Thank you and God bless you all!!!

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Claudia said...

Thinking of you, thinking of Gabi as I do so many times.

God bless you all.

Love from Germany,

Gabriela said...

...and love from swizerland.
I know...

Erin said...

You are an AMAZING person!!!! Stay Strong as you always have been. I miss you and love you!!! xoxox

Isabella said...

Love You!!!!!!!!!

john dobbs said...

As someone who has lost a child have my heart and prayers ... a beautiful post. God bless.