Sunday, March 30, 2008

3 Amazing Angels

I have mentioned several times how much this blog has meant to us, most importantly our viewers. Through the blog and now our foundations website we have met many wonderful families. Gabi has taught us to be strong in even the toughest of times, obviously God has a lot more to do with that than she does, but she is our special angel. Our angel has also brought us to 2 very special families. The Eickholts and The Listers, they too have unfortunately lost their precious babies. The Eickholts...Eric, Kristy, and angel Jack we were introduced through one of our nurses at CMH. Baby Jack joined Gabi in November. The Listers...Nick, Tammy, Reese, and Angel Brenlee found us by chance on our website. Baby Brenlee joined Jack and Gabi just 12 weeks ago. It is as if our children knew we needed each other. To suffer the lose of a child is one no one can comprehend with unless having gone through the horrible tragedy.

Kristy and Tammy have not met yet, but we will all be getting together very soon! When I first met both moms it was an instant bond. We hugged, it was as if we were able to see our children work together by bringing us together. I had the opportunity of meeting Tammy, Nick, big sister Reese, and Grandma Robin this weekend for the first time. about having similar stories. We have sooooooooooooooo much in common it is almost scarey! All the more reason our girls were plotting for our meeting:)

Gabi, Jack, and Brenlee all had DS, all with heart defects. Gabi and Brenlee had the same heart defect, although Brenlee's was more severe. Here's how I look at it, our little ones were never suppose to be here...meaning they were God's special angels from day one. They snuck away because they thought our 3 families were sooooooo amazing. They wanted to hang with us for as long as they could get away from God, but then he found them and snatched them back. Cute little scenerio...I totally see all 3 of them just laughing and having a wonderful time in heaven together. I just wish they could of been with us longer. My heart aches on a daily basis, but knowing they have each other and mostly important God, I am conforted!

And so I want to leave you with this beautiful poem. It is from the movie In Her Shoes. I had watched it last weekend and wanted to write it down. Funny my mom watched it this weekend and DID write it down, without even discussing it together...Just one more way Gabi was working her magic on us:) I love you punky, mommy and daddy miss you to pieces!!!

I carry your heart with me
I carry it in my heart,
I am never without it
Anywhere I go you go my dear;
And whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling.
I fear no fate
For you are my fate, my sweet,
I want no world
For beautiful you are my world, my true
And it's you are whatever a moon has always meant,
And whatever a sun will always sing is you.
Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
And the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
Which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide
And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart.
I carry your heart,
I carry it in my heart.
By: EE Cummings

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

32 weeks or for those of you that don't do weeks...8 MONTHS!!!

Today we have reached yet another mile marker...8 months, only 56 days to go, unless she decides to make an early arrival. Today I believe Kinsley found a new comfy spot, her shoulder shoved into the midlle of my tummy. Did I mention she has not moved out of this spot ALL day! She has moved around, but the shoulder has stayed...uuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I hate to complain, but we are both definitely running out of room.

HaPpY BiRtHdAy GrAcIe

We just cannot believe it but Gracie is growing up before our eyes, she turned 7 today!!! The kid has celebrated since last Thursday, so she definitely had a great birthday week. We have been lucky enough to celebrate many of those nights with her. I baked her 2 cakes, one for Mimi's and one for Mema's. Then today we surprised her at school to help pass out cupcakes. She had no idea we were going to be there, the look on her face when she saw her daddy was PRICELESS (to bad I forgot the camera in the car)!!!

Happy Birthday monkey, we love love love love you!!!

The girl loves to shop!!!

Friday, March 21, 2008

Today is...

Updated...3/23 (Hoppy Easter)

I tried posting a picture to represent World Down Syndrome day, it obviously did not work. I apologize!


World Down Syndrome Day was 3-21 representing Trisomy 21 (the triplicate of the 21st chromosome.

I want all of you to go to Chelsea's blog, her mommy Carey made a wonderful video of all the kiddo's in our circle. She did a wonderful job and they are just the most precious kids you could lay your eyes on. Thanks Carey!!!

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

63 days to go...and by the time most of you read this it will be 62 days!!!

I feel like many times after rereading my entries I have a tendency to be a bit repetitive, and I apologize! It's just that I have been feeling the same for a while now. I am very anxious for Kinsley's arrival. The closer we get the more excited we get, I have to admit though we get a bit more scared with each doctor visit near the end.

We met with our new doctor here in KC last week for the first time. We absolutely loved her as soon as she walked into the exam room. She is a very spunky mid-aged woman. You can tell she loves her job, and we felt very comfortable right away. In fact she kind of reminds me of Jason. She was loud and spoke without talking a breath due to her excitement for life. That is one thing I love about my hubby, when he is passionate about something you can feel it in his voice:) Any who...she decided she wanted me to go in for a prenatal echo cardiogram. Not because she felt we needed to, but because she wants to be sure I do not let my anxiety take the best of me during these last few weeks. We thought that seemed like a reasonable thing to do. Our appointment was this afternoon.

First off we met with the genetic counselor, all routine to us, she had nothing new for us we hadn't already heard. The we went in for what we thought was the echo. We ended up only having another level 2 ultra sound. We were a little disappointed, because one the doctor was, as Gracie would say, a Crabby Patty. We just felt like we were a waste of her time, which is not something you want to feel like when you have been through our previous experiences. So we did not appreciate the in and out she gave us. She didn't even do an echo, she said everything looked good on the ultra sound, but because I am so far along the ultra sounds miss about 50% of heart defects...gee lady, thanks for the comforting thoughts!

I hate complaining, because I don't want people to give us special treatment, or go out of their way for us, but geez oh petes, have a little better bedside manners! She gave us great news that Kinsley looked very healthy, but I just wish she'd of been a little nicer. To be in that kind of specialty I guess we just expected a little more from the doctor. Her nurse was really nice, she did tell us that Kinsley's measurements are right on target. She is weighing in at 3 and a half, that is already half of where Gabi was when she was born! We got 3 new pictures of her to add to our very small collection. She even printed an extra one for Gracie to have of her own. Gracie carries it around with great pride! I guess I failed to mention, but you probably figured it out, Gracie went with us today to the appointment. She thought it was soooooo cool seeing sissy on the tv screen!!!

I have one last thing to add, at last weeks appointment, Dr. Hartung said she would not be surprised if Kinsley was 3 or 4 weeks early. She said our bodies have a tendency to repeat what they have already been through. Since Gabi was 3 weeks early, she wouldn't be surprised if Kinsley popped out early! I was very excited hearing that, but I am trying really hard not to focus to much on it. I want her out soooooo bad, my body is so uncomfortable, but I also want her to be ready! I can already tell she has dropped a little, but we still have a ways to go. So early or not, we will be anxiously awaiting our little sweet peas arrival!!!

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Daddy's Corner

I don't update nearly as often as I should and I'm pretty sure if I go back and look this has been how I start every entry that I leave ;-)...

Life has been such a whirlwind and my wonderful wife has done such an amazing job of keeping all of you updated and I love her so much for that. Of course she yells at me on a regular basis that I need to leave an as the song goes..."Wanna hear it?....Here it goes..." haha

It is wonderful to be back home, nothing went quite as we expected or planned but it always seems to work out. I don't think anything has gone as planned or expected from the first day Micah and I met! As crazy as our lives have been though we have always found a way to work together and make the best of the situation we are in at the time. That and our family and friends have always been there for us to pull us through.

So now we are on a new adventure, so we'll see what wonderful direction the whirlwind that is known as our lives takes us now. I am embarking on a new career selling cars. So if anyone that reads this is either looking for a new or used car or knows of someone that is looking make sure to contact me. (Shameless self promotion! haha). I am also going to reactivate my life and health insurance license and will have Micah work with me on that a little to make calls and set appointments for me. Again the plan...but when has a plan that we've ever put together ever actually worked out? The one plan that has always worked out is the plan and promise we made to each other to love each other no matter good times and in bad...and man has that been put to the test quickly! ;-)

As far as my girls go....well...I miss Gabi terribly. There still isn't a moment in a day that goes by that I don't think about her and have flash backs of being in the hospital with her. The closer we get to Kinsley's arrival the more emotional turmoil we go through. I am so excited for her to be here but also very very nervous for her to be here. Gracie is amazing as ever and making her daddy so proud. She is just such a strong, smart, and just plane incredible little girl. She has been through so much at such a young age, but I truly believe she is going to use her experience to grow and become a better person. I will spank her little bottom if she becomes a poor me person! haha

So again thank you to all that continue to follow us on here. Many of you may not realize it and we probably don't say it enough, but when you continue to log on to our website or pass it on to your friends it keeps Gabi alive. So thank you to everyone for keeping our angel alive!

Love Love Love Love
Jason, Micah, Gracie, Angel Gabi, and Belly Baby Kinsley

Monday, March 10, 2008

Missing My Baby...

I got to thinking tonight, it has been a while since I have reflected on my time with and without Gabi. We have had so much change in our lives that I just cannot believe how quickly time has passed. It has been almost 7 months since my angel received her wings...WOW, has it really been that long??? I keep thinking about all the wonderful memories we made with her. You all know how much joy and complete happiness she brought into our lives. My heart still aches at the fact I will never see her smile again, I will never kiss her again, I will never touch her again, I will never hold her in my arms again...but for all the times I did get to do those things I am so very thankful. If I knew I could of only had her for 7 months I still would of taken that over never having her at all.

Since our move it has forced me to go through Gabi's things. That little girl had so many clothes, many outfits still have the tags attached. It's funny cause Jason tells me to stop buying Kinsley clothes, but I can't help it. Somedays I think oh Kins can wear lots of her sissy's clothes and others I want to pack up all of Gabi's clothes and never let anyone touch them. It is just one struggle of many. I want Kinsley to have many of Gabi's stuffed animals and books and hair bows, but most importantly I want Kinsley to know her big sister. Maybe by sharing things of Gabi's that were special it will help Jason and I teach her about Gabi. Not a day goes by that we don't miss our little Pink and Squishy, but we also have to be prepared for our future. We want to provide Kinsley with a life that we'd of given her even if Gabi was here.

Everyday as we get closer to her arrival I know I become more and more attached. My little sweet pea is gonna help me get through this next big hurdle. She will never replace my precious Gabi, but she will help me remember the wonderful times I had with her and I will share those memories with Kins.

Each day I hop onto this blog, all throughout the day, just to see how many hits we receive, where all of our viewers are coming from (I have a live traffic feed at the bottom of the page). It just amazes me day in and day out just how much support we still receive. I mean Gabi has come into so many of your lives so unexpectedly and she obviously made an impact on your hearts, because you are still interested in us! I am honored to be the mother of such an incredible little girl.

Friday, March 7, 2008

A New Adventure

Well Jason just got a call and he has a job! Thank you everyone for the prayers and most importantly thank you Lord for answering those prayers. For those of you who know Jason you will definitely agree that this is something he will be very good at. He will be a car salesman for the local Lexus dealership. There are only 2 Lexus dealerships in KC, the one he will be working at is the newest. We are super excited! There is so much opportunity and they seem like a great group to work for. He had 2 interviews the day he went in just to see if they were even hiring. They could see his potential and want to give him a chance. This is a different type of sales than what he is used to, but as many would agree, sales is sales and Jason is an excellent salemans. I have ever bit of confidence in him that he will rise to the top. And it was so cute to watch him talk about possibly working there, I could feel the eagerness in his voice.

So if anyone is doing any car shopping come visit Jason at the Tiffany Springs Lexus dealership:)

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Back to KC...

uuuhhhhhhhhhh!!! I just typed up an update and due to this wonderful thing we know as technology it stopped and deleted it all. So this probably won't be as good as the original entry!

As the title says, we are moving back to KC! After everything went down with Jason's job we were on our way back for a visit last weekend and well...we decided to stay! Jason has made one trip back to get our necessities and he will make another before the end of the month to get everything else. Anybody got a hook up with a Uhaul or a trailer???
The only thing that kept us in Indy was the job and well that is no longer there so why should we stay. I am just so thankful that Jason is capable of packing up our stuff. I am way to uncomfortable to make that drive anymore! Lucky me I married a man who can pack on his own...hhhhmmmmm I should let him do that more often:) Just joking honey, I wish I could help.

We are 95% sure Jason has found a job, but until he gets the 100% I am not mentioning anymore on that. Just say an extra prayer that it works out:)

Baby updates...
Bella is back home, she is doing great!
Ava is increasing her feeds and still working on being weaned off the vent. She is such a fighter!!! Ava still has a long recovery ahead, but she is doing well. Both could definitely still use your prayers so thank you for remembering them:)

As for Miss Kinsley, she is doing fabulous! I went to the new doctor today in KC. I am a bit frightened! I have grown 1 inch and gained 2 more lbs since last week. I hope this is not how every week is gonna be from here on out. I still have 11 weeks and that means I will be HUGE!!! I mean I feel huge at this point, but gees oh petes give a girl a bit of a break! I guess the most important thing though is my little sweet pea is doing great, so it will all be worth it:)

Sunday, March 2, 2008

The Chosen Mothers

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice and planning, a few by social pressures, and a couple by habit. Did you ever wonder how mothers of children with a life threatening illness are chosen? Somehow, I visualize God hovering over earth selecting His instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger..."Beth Armstrong, son, Patron Saint Matthew""Marjorie Forrest, daughter, Patron Saint Cecilia""Carrie Rutledge, twins, Patron Saint Gerard."Finally, He passes a name to an angel and says, "Give her a child with cancer. "The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy." "Exactly," smiles God, "Could I give a child with cancer a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel." "But, does she have patience?" asks the angel. "I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she will handle it. I watched her today," said God. "She has that feeling of self-independence that is so rare and necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has it's own world. She will have to make it live in her world and that's not going to be easy." "But Lord, I don't think she believes in you," said the angel."No worries, I can fix that. This mother is the perfect choice. She has just enough selfishness." The angel gasps, "Selfishness? Is that a virtue?" God nods. "If she can't separate herself from this child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, here is the woman I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take anything her child does for granted. She will never consider a single step just ordinary. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see... ignorance, cruelty, prejudice... and allow her to rise above them." "And what about her patron saint," asks the angel with his pen poised in mid-air. God smiles and says..."A mirror will suffice." -Erma Bombeck

I got this from Amy, Kaden and Ava's glad you posted it Amy! It makes me feel that much more blessed to of had such a special little angel in my life!