Friday, February 15, 2008

Finding Happiness...

So much has been weighing on my mind for a while now. I try to stay focused on others and especially my sweet pea Kinsley! But the facts are I am so sad. I often still cry myself to sleep, I wonder how I can ever be as happy as I once was before. Jason wrote me the sweetest love note for valentines day and it made me realize how we can go on and be happy. Gabi is ALWAYS with us, in our hearts, on our minds, and most definitely with us in spirit. She gave us an appreciation for each other that most couples and families may never experience. Every time we hug, kiss, hold hands, or tell each other we love each other, she smiles! Every thought of affection for one another fulfills her purpose and why she was brought to us. And the more we spread her word the brighter her smile gets! We have passed that onto Gracie and Gracie will pass that message onto Kinsley and she will feel as if she did know her big sister. And then Kinsley will pass the message on probably to her little sister...remember I don't think Jason is capable of producing boys...haha sorry honey!

Anyways, I am not going to reveal my entire letter, but Jason gave me a new reason as to why I should be happy and rejoice in the times we had as opposed to focusing on her not being here now.

What an amazing gift of knowing that every time Jason and I show love and respect to each other our daughter is smiling down upon us. It makes us both want to spend every second of every day together so she will always be smiling and proud of her mommy and daddy.

Obviously I am so blessed with the family I had and have and will have. I cannot thank God enough for the joys he has brought to my life, but it still tears at my heart. I am going to start focusing more on making my precious Punky smile all the time. I want her to know I am not sad because of her I just miss her that's all. What kind of mother would I be if I did not miss my baby girl?

Gabi has introduced us to a world we knew existed, but never got involved with. I have a new mission in life and that is to spread the word of my daugther. And that is why we started Gifts of Gabi's Grace. I feel in my heart that someday it will be everything I have dreams of it being. Jason and I have a lot of work ahead of us, but we are 2 very determined individuals and together I know we can make it happen.

Many of you have been following along with Bella and Ava...
Bella, she is scheduled for open heart surgery on Monday morning. Please keep her in your prayers even though this is routine for her defect it is still a major surgery. She is doing well right now, but she is still fragile! Please pray for her parents strength. They are very good friends of ours and to know that they are hurting for their baby makes us hurt too!
Ava, she is still on the EMCO machine. They tried to wean her off, but her heart is still too stunned from the surgery to be able to operate on its own. They will try again on Monday to take her off. So please say extra prayers for her. She is still fighting and giving it her all. We just pray that the Lord will protect her and ease her of any pain. As for her parents, they are very special to us too! They are holding onto every ounce of hope and with good reason, the doctors still believe it is a fight worth fighting.

Be sure to visit their blogs for further updates. And please if you haven't left them a comment PLEASE do. I remember how much it helped keep our spirits up even when we were at our worst. If you are not a google member all you have to do is leave the comment and instead of signing in click on anonymous. Just be sure you put your name and where you are from in your comment...THANKS!!!


Isabella said...

beautiful!!! I loved every word of it. Happiness will find you again some day. I have complete faith in that. Thank you for being so supportive of us during this not so great time. You and Jason are so special to us and it means everything to me that you are praying and thinking of us. And not to mention, willing to be here at the drop of a hat for us. we love you guys. I will try to give you a call tomorrow. We are headed to bed. We have an appointment with our surgeon very early in the morning to go over the surgery and sign the consent.
Love and Hugs!!

Nicole said...

I am so excited to get caught back up with you a bit. I'm at my sisters taking a little break from my 4 girls. It won't be long until you have caught up with us. :) Hug baby Kinsley for me, I like that name!
Much love, Nicole & Tarenne

Fred Acker said...

That's the spirit! Gabi will never be gone from our hearts. She has taught us all so very much. Kinsley will have the awesome gift of her sister watching over her and whispering in her ear "hey baby sis, we've got some pretty cool parents here! They'll love you like crazy and always be there for you!"

Carry on kids. Gracie, Gabi, Kinsley and their baby sister will brighten your lives forever!

Mema and Papa Acker

Kaden and Ava's mommy said...

Micah, again, I think you and Jason are amazing people. I could not even imagine how hard it is to lose a baby...although lately the thought crosses my mind often. My heart truly aches for you EVERY day. To show such strength is incredible. I am sure that it is hard to believe that you will find yourself not crying at night anymore and being happy again...but you will, especially when you get to hold Kinsley for the first time. I hope you realize the support you give to others and how much we appreciate it. Thank you so much for the continous thoughts and prayers for Ava and our family. Love, Amy