Finding Happiness...

So much has been weighing on my mind for a while now. I try to stay focused on others and especially my sweet pea Kinsley! But the facts are I am so sad. I often still cry myself to sleep, I wonder how I can ever be as happy as I once was before. Jason wrote me the sweetest love note for valentines day and it made me realize how we can go on and be happy. Gabi is ALWAYS with us, in our hearts, on our minds, and most definitely with us in spirit. She gave us an appreciation for each other that most couples and families may never experience. Every time we hug, kiss, hold hands, or tell each other we love each other, she smiles! Every thought of affection for one another fulfills her purpose and why she was brought to us. And the more we spread her word the brighter her smile gets! We have passed that onto Gracie and Gracie will pass that message onto Kinsley and she will feel as if she did know her big sister. And then Kinsley will pass the message on probably to her little sister...remember I don't think Jason is capable of producing boys...haha sorry honey!

Anyways, I am not going to reveal my entire letter, but Jason gave me a new reason as to why I should be happy and rejoice in the times we had as opposed to focusing on her not being here now.

What an amazing gift of knowing that every time Jason and I show love and respect to each other our daughter is smiling down upon us. It makes us both want to spend every second of every day together so she will always be smiling and proud of her mommy and daddy.

Obviously I am so blessed with the family I had and have and will have. I cannot thank God enough for the joys he has brought to my life, but it still tears at my heart. I am going to start focusing more on making my precious Punky smile all the time. I want her to know I am not sad because of her I just miss her that's all. What kind of mother would I be if I did not miss my baby girl?

Gabi has introduced us to a world we knew existed, but never got involved with. I have a new mission in life and that is to spread the word of my daugther. And that is why we started Gifts of Gabi's Grace. I feel in my heart that someday it will be everything I have dreams of it being. Jason and I have a lot of work ahead of us, but we are 2 very determined individuals and together I know we can make it happen.

Many of you have been following along with Bella and Ava...
Bella, she is scheduled for open heart surgery on Monday morning. Please keep her in your prayers even though this is routine for her defect it is still a major surgery. She is doing well right now, but she is still fragile! Please pray for her parents strength. They are very good friends of ours and to know that they are hurting for their baby makes us hurt too!
Ava, she is still on the EMCO machine. They tried to wean her off, but her heart is still too stunned from the surgery to be able to operate on its own. They will try again on Monday to take her off. So please say extra prayers for her. She is still fighting and giving it her all. We just pray that the Lord will protect her and ease her of any pain. As for her parents, they are very special to us too! They are holding onto every ounce of hope and with good reason, the doctors still believe it is a fight worth fighting.

Be sure to visit their blogs for further updates. And please if you haven't left them a comment PLEASE do. I remember how much it helped keep our spirits up even when we were at our worst. If you are not a google member all you have to do is leave the comment and instead of signing in click on anonymous. Just be sure you put your name and where you are from in your comment...THANKS!!!

WOULD YOU...

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

Logan, the Sky Angel Cowboy

Amazing how little ones know so much at such a young age. We could all learn from Logan!

Bella needs our prayers too!!!

This morning when I woke up I got onto the computer to do my ritual checking of the blogs. Well I was absolutely devastated, Bella is back in the hospital and will be having another open heart surgery next week. The surgery is something that Matt and Megan knew this would happen eventually, but not so soon or so unexpectedly. Megan had noticed that Bella seemed congested and not like normal congestion. They were suppose to have gone to CMH on Monday for a regular clinical appointment, but due to an ice storm, they did not make it in. Megan had called CMH yesterday and explained Bella's condition. She has also been sweating and showing some signs of heart failure. Megan is very good at recognizing when something is not right with Bella. CMH said come right in and bring a bag in case they have to admit her. Sur enough Megan's intuition was right. Bella needs to have open heart ASAP. Her surgeon is out of town, so they will wait till Monday or Tuesday when he came perform her surgery. She has an anurysm on her heart. Did you even know that was possible we didn't!?! It looks to be right at the conjunction of the piece they put in during her truncus repair. It is known as the homograft. For more details and continuous updates be sure to visit their blog...click on the link below

Ava Update...

I told Amy I knew Ava and Gabi would have the pink factor in common! The bow is just the perfect touch:)

The ecmo machine is allowing Ava's heart to rest after such a major surgery. Amy said she is doing very well on the machine. Here is where the problems begin Ava's aorta is extremely small. Althoug you would think that would be the biggest problem, it is not, the doctors can fix that to a certain degree. Because the aorta is so small the corinary arteries tend to be very small...that is the biggest problem, they can do nothing to fix that. So she will continue to be on the ecmo machine, the plan is they will start to wean her off of the ecmo, with hopes of being completely off of it on Friday.

Many of you have been our viewers since we went through the journey of Gabi's surgery. I mentioned many times how horrible it felt as a parent to be so helpless. To not have anything you can do to help your child is the most horrific feeling Jaosn and I have ever experienced. Nate and Amy are a very strong couple and they have already been put through that helplessness with Kaden. I just pray that God gives Ava the strength to feel her parents love.

Be sure to check out their blog Amy has posted a ton of photos...Ava is absolutely BEAUTIFUL!!! Here are a few I copied, but you definitely need to see the rest!

Pray Pray Pray

Baby Ava really needs our prayers! She has made it out of surgery, but she is now on ECMO...which is life support. I do not know more of her condition than that. All I know is that when Gabi came out of surgery and we had the ECMO conversation it was VERY serious. I am assuming that due to the nature of the surgery and how frail she is at only 1 week old, that is why she needs the extra support.

ECMO has about a 50% chance of living without having to be on it for the rest of your life. Ava's big brother Kaden was on ECMO in his early months and he survived without having to stay on it, so anything is possible. We just really need to pray! Please leave Nate and Amy a comment and let them know your thoughts and prayers are with them. It helps to feel the support around you!

http://kadenboeckman.blogspot.com

Dear Tooth Fairy...

It finally happened, Gracie lost her first tooth today! She has been wigglin on it for a while now. She said that she was in her room workin on it and it just popped out. She also said, "Blood does not taste good, but she is ok!" I thought that was really cute! So hear she is, missing a tooth...right up front:)

And on a more serious note, Please Please say extra prayers for baby Ava tomorrow. She has a big journey ahead of her with open heart surgery first thing in the morning. We will keep updates. Lord, please take this little darling into your hands and protect her, make her strong so that she can live a long and happy life with her mommy, daddy, and big brother, along with the rest of her family!

We love you Boeckman family, you are in our thoughts and prayers!

I almost forgot...

I cannot believe I have not put an update on Kinsley. I went to the doctor on Tuesday. She is doing very well. In fact when the doc was listening her heartbeat, everytime she put the monitor on my tummy Kinsley kicked really hard. It was really funny! Next month I have the pleasure of taking the glucose test. I have to drink that nasty sugar drink in like 20 minutes and then wait and hour and have blood drawn. Oh the joys of pregnancy...don't get me wrong she is definitely worth all of my aches and pains!

Surgery Date

Baby Ava is doing well (knock on wood)! Amy just updated their blog, surgery is scheduled for first thing Monday morning the 11th. So this weekend for those of you who attend church or just on your own time, please add Ava to your prayer lists. She has a long road ahead of her, but with God anything is possible!

Be sure to keep checking on her and I will update too as we get word from Amy and family!

Baby Ava needs our prayers!!!

We have a very special request for all of our viewers! Once again we need you prayers. I have mentioned our friend Kaden, who is 3 years old and is a miracle child. Well his little sister, Ava Rae, was born on Friday and she is in need of a miracle as well. She is stable now, but she is about to face heart surgery and we all know the seriousness of that. We are waiting to hear from Amy, mommy to both. She has been updating as frequently as she can. Right now Ava is in the NICU at CMH. To learn about their entire story please visit their blog...leave Amy and their family a comment, let them know your thoughts and prayers are with them through such challenging times. Support is such an important factor to keeping your sanity in situations like this. I know that the comments we received helped us get through many many tough times...they still do!

http://kadenboeckman.blogspot.com