And the search goes on...

Well we continue to search for our sanity! Jason is still searching for a job he can make his career, but we haven't had much luck. He has 2 really big interviews these next 2 weeks. Talk about nerve racking, I feel like we just keep beating our heads up against the wall. He enjoy selling cancer policies, but it is just not cutting it. With today's economy there is not extra money out there that people are buying extra policies, which means no income for us. So hence the reason for continuing the search.

As for me, I have made a huge decision which will go into effect in the fall. I will be going back to school to get a degree in Elementary Education. I have been toying around with the idea for a while now, but thought that since I just had Kinsley it wasn't the right time. But the more I think about it the longer I wait I will always have an excuse for why it is not the right time. So I figured if I at least wait until fall I can get all my ducks in a row and we will just make it work. Plus I don't plan on going to far from home, Baker University is about 15 minutes away. And I have already talked to them and it will only take me 2 years and that includes Student Teaching. And by the time I finish Kinsley would be 3, so I could get her in Preschool and I can work again. Which would help tremendously, I feel like Jason has so much pressure on him, that if I could contribute I would feel so much better. Don't get me wrong I LOVE staying at home with the kids, but I find myself needing something for me. I hope that doesn't sound selfish. I put my girls ahead of everything. There is NOTHING I wouldn't do for them, but again I need more. And I feel like at that point Kinsley will be getting into school and play groups and well I will have more time for me.

Plus we still haven't decided if we are gonna have another baby. Somedays we want one more, somedays we don't...it's scary when everything is so perfect now! And by that I mean that Kinsley and Gracie are healthy beautiful girls, and I am so afraid of what happened to Gabi happening again.

Now as for the girls. Gracie is growing up so fast. She is doing very well in school. And she has made some great new friends. It is so exciting that she is here in town with us now. And we get to see her so much more. Jason and I are so thankful for the time we have together and we get to be involved in so much more now. She just recently had to get glasses, which are super cute! She is near sighted, the dr. said it may actually correct itself with time, so we'll see. She really likes them. I don't have a pic. yet, but I will be sure to post one soon. She is quite the stylish little thing, but would you expect anything less???

Hat Day at school
And of course PJ Day

Now as for Kinsley well I think I will let the pictures say what she has been up to.

Spaghetti need I say more???

She is now walking a few steps at a time with the walker, and she loves it!

As you can see she REALLY enjoys her bottles, if you didn't know you'd think she was a lush!

And I think my mom would tell you, she gets this from me. Sleeping with her bootie stickin straight up...when I was her age of course!

And finally our little Rock Star in the making!

8 months and growing strong...

What can I say...we love TARGET!!!
She is pulling her self up on everything, or I should say trying. I helped a little here, but it won't be long little Miss Independent will be on her own.

I/We cannot get over how stinkin cute she is. This is the first shot she stood long enough I got in on camera.

Kinsley is now 8 months old. She is crawling all over the place. Last night she was playing with her walker. I stood her up and she was just hangin out. Next thing I know she took 3 steps all by herself. I would love to see her take her first steps before my birthday, which is next month, but we'll see. She is eating tons these days. Basically she will eat anything I let her. I have slowly been working on table foods. She still only has 2 teeth, so I am super careful.

I need to post Gabi's b-day pics. We had a wonderful celebration with great family and friends! I didn't get a ton of pics but some definitely worth posting, I will do it very soon.

I am feeling a bit under weather. I took some medicine tonight and now I can't sleep...UGHHHHH!!!! That stuff is suppose to make me sleepy!

HaPpY BiRtHdAy PuNkY!!!

This is such a bittersweet day! As you can tell by the time of my post I cannot sleep. I try but everytime I end up in tears. At 4:41am it will be Gabi's 2nd birthday. It was hard enough not being able to celebrate her first birthday with her and now another year has passed. I wish I could say it seems like yesterday that I held her in my arms for the first time, but the truth is I cannot remember what it was like to hold her. It seems as if the memories get further and further out of reach everyday. I keep telling myself she WAS real and she will ALWAYS be the biggest part of my heart. I strive everyday to be better than the day before. And I owe that all to my angel. Gabi taught me so much of what the true meaning of life is.

She was sent to me on a mission and I feel she accomplished that! It is not what we have or don't have that makes us who we are. It is what we learn as we experience each day, one day at a time.

My precious Gabriele,
Mommy, Daddy, and Gracie miss you so much. I just know that we would of had a great time together as a family, but God had a different plan for us. And although we may never understand, we have to accept that. I do believe you knew me well enough to know that I needed baby Kinsley in order to continue to keep my focus. Because of Kinsley I am able to move forward each day. Don't get me wrong, not a single day goes by I don't wish you were here, but it makes life a little easier to deal with when I am chasing her around the house:) I can barely keep up and I know it will only get worse, but THANK YOU! Well, I should thank God and I do, but I think when you made the deal to go back after sneaking away it was a good trade. I hope that makes sense, you can NEVER be replaced, but I was given someone else to love just as I would of and still do love you.
I feel like none of this is coming out right. I am so upset I even have to write such a stupid letter to you. You should be here and we should be having a huge party today! UGHHHHH!!!! Baby my heart aches every second of everyday for you. I would give ANYTHING to touch you, kiss you, hold you, polish your toes, put your hair in piggies...ANYTHING! I cannot believe that this is our life, isn't this what happens to other people, on a Lifetime movie or something. Here I go again, tears...
I cannot wait till Kinsley gets older and I can tell her all about her big sissy. She will be so proud of how brave you were and how lucky we are to have such a special guardian angel! Gracie talks about you all the time. We were both pretty upset tonight, cause we feel cheated! We wanted more time with you. I could go on and on about what we don't have with you. But the most important thing for me to do is focus on what we once had and hold those memories closest to my heart. You were my first daughter, always will be. There is a special bond there no one can take from us. And although I wish we could be together I find comfort knowing we will be someday.
I love you punky! I miss you soooooooooo much. Be a good girl as you celebrate in the heavens above. I can't wait for you to get all of your balloons. Look for a couple of special ones from me, daddy, and both your sisters.

LOVE LOVE...LOVE LOVE

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Family Member Needs a Good Home!

I'll try to keep this as upbeat as possible but unfortunately we need to find a good home for the second oldest female in our family...Sadi, our Australian Shepard.

Sadi has been a great family pet and good with all of our children. However for some reason last night Kinsley crawled up behind her like she has done many times, and Sadi growled and nipped at her very quickly. It scared the living daylights out of both of us and I almost killed the dog! She is a great dog though and has been very good for everyone in the family up until now, and we just can not take the chance of something happening again. Kinsley is OK, when Sadi nipped at her she didn't even break the skin but the quick snap at Kinsley's head just left a little bruise and a mark on her forehead. Luckily she has a tough head just like her Dad! All we can think about though is the fact that it could of been a lot worse.

If someone would like to have Sadi she needs lots of love and attention and a place to run. She is a very energetic dog as are all Aussies. She has been an inside dog her entire life of 5.5 years but think she would really enjoy being on a farm to run as much as she wants. As I mentioned before she has been great with Gracie my 7 year old daughter, Zach my 4 year old nephew, and Joellen our 2 year old neighbor. We obviously want her to go to a good home and will not let just anyone take her but if you know of a GOOD home please let us know.

Long Overdue Photo Update...

First time in a high chair at a resturant...she is gettin so big!

The coolest rocker EVER!!!

Christmas Eve with her new walker

Christmas Day just bein silly
Christmas Morning Jammies

They were so happy Christmas Morning!

Christmas Eve, I think she liked the bows more than the presents

The best gifts of all

Christmas Eve you always get to open one!

NEW YEAR EVE, ready for the count down

New Year Morning, lookin good even after a long night of partyin!!!

2ND ANNUAL SANTA'S LITTLE HELPERS

Sorry it has taken so long to fill you on on the huge success we had this year with Santa's Little Helpers. A wonderful nurse by the name of Amy from CMH South, had been following our story for a while and thought we had started an amazing thing and she wanted to help. She made an announcement at her church and everyone was so gracious. Then my dear friend Alisha, over at Izzy 'n Emma's blog, wanted to help in a major way too. Her husband, Greg works for a screen print company and his company donated basketballs with our logo name as well as Miracle Happen Ministries. What a wonderful thing, I think I was most excited about the balls because they donated enough we will be able to use them for other events. We would of never been able to pull it off if it weren't for them.

Matt and Megan were going to pack up all their goodies they had collected and head up to KC to join us for the stuffing of the "stockings." We had to use bags, because of the amount of stuff we had for the kids. Unfortunately though with Megan being pregnant and her and Matt both came down with something. Bella had been sick the night before too, so we did not want them to travel the 3 hour drive and be sick the entire way. They stayed at home, we had both decided to cancel until they came to town in January for Bella's next appointment. I agree it was the right thing to do. But the more I thought about it, the more it broke my heart. It was our way of celebrating Gabi, giving to the place we spent our final days with our baby. We had to go ahead and give what we had and well we could figure out the rest later.

So we packed it all up and headed to Kansas City for the big delivery. I had to stop and get a few things to make it happen, but I didn't care we had to do this for Gabi! When we got to the hospital we stuffed all the bags and up to the PICU we went. Christy, one of our favorite charge nurses was working, she let us in and Gracie even got to hand deliver the bags. Some of the children were sleeping or their parents weren't there, so we had to just leave the bag for them. But there were a few children whos parents were there and opened the packages right away. They were thrilled, their faces were worth it all. One mom had told me, this was the only Christmas her son would get, because they had been in so long and they could not afford to do anything. That is the exact reason we started this, just to see that little boys face. I'd of given anything to see that look on Gabi's face. And I believe she was there with us and it made it all the better! Not to mention some of our favorite nurses were working and Dr. Tieves, our most favorite PICU doctor. She is the one who came back after her shift was over to be with us and Gabi in her last hour. It was bittersweet, but I wouldn't of wanted it any other way.

I cannot thank everyone enough for all of your generous time, money, and donations! We could not of had such a huge success. We look forward to another successfull outcome in December.

God Bless to you all!

2nd Annual Balloons for Gabi

It amazes me just how quickly this last year has passed. With that being said I have a lot of catch up to do. I have tons of pictures to share from the holidays, but I had to make this important announcement! GABI'S BIRTHDAY is Monday, January 12th. And just like last year we would like everyone to send Gabi a little note attached to a pink balloon. If anyone that lives around us would like to come to our house for the release we would love to have friends and family over for the occassion. We would like everyone to release their balloons 7pm central standard time. Now for those of you that live in where it is dark at 7, which is most of us, please take a picture before you release your pic. Like last year I would love for everyone who participates to send me pictures, just email them to me. I will put another reminder or 2 on here, so no one forgets...mark your calendars...7PM CENTRAL STANDARD TIME, MONDAY JANUARY 12