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Monday, January 12, 2009

HaPpY BiRtHdAy PuNkY!!!

This is such a bittersweet day! As you can tell by the time of my post I cannot sleep. I try but everytime I end up in tears. At 4:41am it will be Gabi's 2nd birthday. It was hard enough not being able to celebrate her first birthday with her and now another year has passed. I wish I could say it seems like yesterday that I held her in my arms for the first time, but the truth is I cannot remember what it was like to hold her. It seems as if the memories get further and further out of reach everyday. I keep telling myself she WAS real and she will ALWAYS be the biggest part of my heart. I strive everyday to be better than the day before. And I owe that all to my angel. Gabi taught me so much of what the true meaning of life is.

She was sent to me on a mission and I feel she accomplished that! It is not what we have or don't have that makes us who we are. It is what we learn as we experience each day, one day at a time.

My precious Gabriele,
Mommy, Daddy, and Gracie miss you so much. I just know that we would of had a great time together as a family, but God had a different plan for us. And although we may never understand, we have to accept that. I do believe you knew me well enough to know that I needed baby Kinsley in order to continue to keep my focus. Because of Kinsley I am able to move forward each day. Don't get me wrong, not a single day goes by I don't wish you were here, but it makes life a little easier to deal with when I am chasing her around the house:) I can barely keep up and I know it will only get worse, but THANK YOU! Well, I should thank God and I do, but I think when you made the deal to go back after sneaking away it was a good trade. I hope that makes sense, you can NEVER be replaced, but I was given someone else to love just as I would of and still do love you.
I feel like none of this is coming out right. I am so upset I even have to write such a stupid letter to you. You should be here and we should be having a huge party today! UGHHHHH!!!! Baby my heart aches every second of everyday for you. I would give ANYTHING to touch you, kiss you, hold you, polish your toes, put your hair in piggies...ANYTHING! I cannot believe that this is our life, isn't this what happens to other people, on a Lifetime movie or something. Here I go again, tears...
I cannot wait till Kinsley gets older and I can tell her all about her big sissy. She will be so proud of how brave you were and how lucky we are to have such a special guardian angel! Gracie talks about you all the time. We were both pretty upset tonight, cause we feel cheated! We wanted more time with you. I could go on and on about what we don't have with you. But the most important thing for me to do is focus on what we once had and hold those memories closest to my heart. You were my first daughter, always will be. There is a special bond there no one can take from us. And although I wish we could be together I find comfort knowing we will be someday.
I love you punky! I miss you soooooooooo much. Be a good girl as you celebrate in the heavens above. I can't wait for you to get all of your balloons. Look for a couple of special ones from me, daddy, and both your sisters.

LOVE LOVE...LOVE LOVE

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

14 comments:

Wendy's Mom said...

Micah,

Although I only know you from following your blog I have to say that my heart is breaking for you right now. I am so sorry that you are having to go through this.
My Baby might not have ever been born alive so I was never able to actually hold her. However, I have to say I am not sure I could have survived it if I had of held her.
You are a very strong person and a wonderful Mommy to Gracie and Kinsley. They are precious little girls and I am so glad that you have them to help make this time easier.
If I can get to the store today I will get a balloon and send it up in Gabi's honor.
You have done so much in Honor of Gabi and I know she is very proud to have a Mommy like you. She is your Guardian Angel and always will be!
Please know that there is a lot of people out here that is praying for you and your family today.

Love,
Sheila

Anonymous said...

We are praying for you today! You will all be in our hearts all day! Love, the Giffin's, David, Kelly, Bryleigh and Kevin

Anonymous said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GABI!!!! Jason, Mikah, and Gracie, my heart is with you today and always. Maybe my Sweety Pea and yours is sharing a piece of birthday cake!!! Love you guys, and there will be some balloons sent from us to your angel.
XOXOXO,
Tammy Lister

Izzy 'N Emmy said...

Happy Birthday baby girl!

The Bryant Family said...

I am thinking of you and Gabi today. Hugs....

About all of this said...

Happy birthday, you nice little sweety. I guess you might be eating Marzipan tart today up where you are....well I thought that would also Mia do on her birthday, maybe?

You and your family were in my thoughts today. And I truly understand what your lovely mother wrote. I hope all the good thoughts reach you somewhere...over the rainbow maybe?

Love,
Claudia

Isabella said...

Happy Birthday baby girl!!!! You will forever be in our hearts.

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday to our first Great Grandchild. The first thing we'll do when we get to where you are is celebrate your birthday. Until then we'll keep sending you balloons and love. We miss you - Grama and PaPa Bowles

Anonymous said...

Happy birthday angel,
I can not believe that 2 years have gone by since I watched you come into this world. You made all of us so very lucky to have you even for a short time. I do believe you were sent for a reason and we have all learned so much from you. I'm not sure I will ever understand why you had to go, but everytime I look into your little sisters face I see you sweet angel. I know you are always here watching over her and your mommy, daddy & Gracie too. You will never be forgotten sweet baby and I know that where you are, you are never alone. We love you and miss you so much. Not a day goes by that I don't think about you. Thank you for coming into all our lives and making such special memories for all. I love you sooooooooooooooo much and you are forever in my heart. Papi sends you butterfly kisses.

Love, Mimi & Papi

Carey said...

Happy Birthday Gabi!!!

Micah, that was beautiful. I know it's hard to write on days like today, but it's very therapeutic. I was glad to see all of you today, I hope Jason made it to give blood. I tried. They turned me down. I'll write about it later on my blog.

We're putting your blog address in our balloons right now!!!

Anonymous said...

happy birthday sweet angel gabi!

love, the arnetts

Kaden and Angel Ava's mommy said...

Happy Birthday Gabi!!!

Micah,
I completely understand your post today. It breaks my heart reading it and even more knowing that we too will be celebrating Ava's birthday in a couple of weeks. I am SO sorry, but I got off of work not too long ago and was unable to get balloons (I was suppose to be off at 5, unfortunately today was the true meaning of MONDAY for me). I was thinking about you guys all day and couldn't wait to long on and wish Gabi a happy birthday. I know that your day had to be tough, but I hope that you felt Gabi carry you through it.

Thinking about you all and keeping you in my prayers. Love you guys.

Kitty, Nathanael's Mom said...

Happy belated birthday! I couldn't get on my computer waaaah! I thought itw as today!!! At any rate, we thought of you and when Nathanael had his bath his hair is a bit too long and I tried to do piggy tails in honor but he screamed bloody murder, now I know Gabi, the angel that she is, will understand that no boy should have to scream in her honor! Just know we all love you Gabi and your family and though you're in a different realm you're still with us all in spirit.
Love from VT, Kitty, Nathanael and mob

Fred Acker said...

Dearest Jason and Micah,

It just breaks my heart to see how much you two are hurting. I wish I could somehow take the pain away, but this is something that only you, with God’s help, can overcome. I know all the old clich├ęs that would be appropriate here, but I also know they wouldn’t help much. Someday perhaps we’ll understand why God gave us Gabi for such a short time, but I’m certainly grateful for the time we did have with her. She taught me so much about courage and determination, but the most important thing she taught me is that love, above all else, is God’s greatest gift.

Micah, I know this time is especially tough on you. As a man, I can never truly understand the bond between a mother and child, but I pray God will comfort you during your grieving process. Just know that I have seen the love in your heart and I love you for it. God could not have picked a better mother for Gabi.

All my love,
Grandpa Acker