HaPpY BiRtHdAy PuNkY!!!

This is such a bittersweet day! As you can tell by the time of my post I cannot sleep. I try but everytime I end up in tears. At 4:41am it will be Gabi's 2nd birthday. It was hard enough not being able to celebrate her first birthday with her and now another year has passed. I wish I could say it seems like yesterday that I held her in my arms for the first time, but the truth is I cannot remember what it was like to hold her. It seems as if the memories get further and further out of reach everyday. I keep telling myself she WAS real and she will ALWAYS be the biggest part of my heart. I strive everyday to be better than the day before. And I owe that all to my angel. Gabi taught me so much of what the true meaning of life is.

She was sent to me on a mission and I feel she accomplished that! It is not what we have or don't have that makes us who we are. It is what we learn as we experience each day, one day at a time.

My precious Gabriele,
Mommy, Daddy, and Gracie miss you so much. I just know that we would of had a great time together as a family, but God had a different plan for us. And although we may never understand, we have to accept that. I do believe you knew me well enough to know that I needed baby Kinsley in order to continue to keep my focus. Because of Kinsley I am able to move forward each day. Don't get me wrong, not a single day goes by I don't wish you were here, but it makes life a little easier to deal with when I am chasing her around the house:) I can barely keep up and I know it will only get worse, but THANK YOU! Well, I should thank God and I do, but I think when you made the deal to go back after sneaking away it was a good trade. I hope that makes sense, you can NEVER be replaced, but I was given someone else to love just as I would of and still do love you.
I feel like none of this is coming out right. I am so upset I even have to write such a stupid letter to you. You should be here and we should be having a huge party today! UGHHHHH!!!! Baby my heart aches every second of everyday for you. I would give ANYTHING to touch you, kiss you, hold you, polish your toes, put your hair in piggies...ANYTHING! I cannot believe that this is our life, isn't this what happens to other people, on a Lifetime movie or something. Here I go again, tears...
I cannot wait till Kinsley gets older and I can tell her all about her big sissy. She will be so proud of how brave you were and how lucky we are to have such a special guardian angel! Gracie talks about you all the time. We were both pretty upset tonight, cause we feel cheated! We wanted more time with you. I could go on and on about what we don't have with you. But the most important thing for me to do is focus on what we once had and hold those memories closest to my heart. You were my first daughter, always will be. There is a special bond there no one can take from us. And although I wish we could be together I find comfort knowing we will be someday.
I love you punky! I miss you soooooooooo much. Be a good girl as you celebrate in the heavens above. I can't wait for you to get all of your balloons. Look for a couple of special ones from me, daddy, and both your sisters.

LOVE LOVE...LOVE LOVE

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo