Minor Misunderstanding...

So I was being very optimistic in thinking she may be off the ventilator by friday. The doctor stopped by and said we will hope for next friday, then if it happens sooner we can celebrate. She has surprised us before so nothing is impossible, but we need to stay realistic too! She is having a very good day considering the change in her meds.
Hearing this makes me a bit sad, because the chance of getting to hold her this week are slim to none. I asked if I could while on the ventilator and because of all the iv's that would not be good now, but maybe as we decrease some of that the chances will be greater. This is heart breaking... imagine having a child you are so used to holding all the time and then go a month without being able to hold nothing more than her hand...it is not an easy thing to accept. I know things could be worse, but this is the toughest thing I have ever faced in my life. I have stayed pretty strong, but it is starting to take a toll on me. I have gone home a bit more and I feel guilty doing that, but it is so hard to be in the same little room all the time and not be able to comfort and hold my baby. I hate feeling these emotions, but sometimes it is easier to be away. But then when I am at home and away I want to be back at the hosptial. It is a constant battle with myself. I definitely am comforted that she is doing so well... I am just losing a bit of my patience...I need to hold her, I need to see her smile.... Then I start thinking I need to not be so selfish. I will conitue to pray for my angel and her recovery, but I am also praying to find even more strength! She will come home and that is what I need to focus on!